Life On The Shoulders!
Life On The Shoulders!
Did you ever feel like, “Stop the world … and get it off of my shoulders!” We all do at times! I did when ‘someone’ commented on my use of Big Words. Yet, going back to the June 25, 1816 Royal Gazette I found lychophronism, eclaicise, omphaloptic, and parenchymatous all in one sentence! And so – a penchant for Big Words in a pendent pendant? And also, excuse me [you “chicks” in particular] for not mentioning ‘Chick Day’ on June 18 in my column of that date. My favorite Cook Book ‘Chick In Stew’! Also too, I noticed Canada’s carbon dioxide emissions growth over the last decade compared to – Asia up 86%, Middle East up 61%, Africa up 35%, and the U.S. up 8%. Why? After all, after all the rhetoric it’s all about the ECONOMY! Not that I necessarily agree with all the inherent factors at play! Taberduker!
Anyways, it was said that he was so mean he’d squeeze a penny til Lizzie II was gaspin’ for air, or until her crown nearly caught in the maple leafs on the back. He’d hang his calender facing the wall so’s only he could see the picture, and he wouldn’t loan you last year’s. To him, being mean was like a grave-robber enjoying the fruit of the “cemetery orchard”. He goes along kickin’ the tires but never checkin’ the oil! Life on the shoulders! You know the type, about as appealing as a bunless hamburger or a bun hamburerless. Then, it is said that there are only two types of death where a layperson can pronounce death – one is decapitation and the other is decomposition. Then too, the four usual causes of death are natural causes, accident, homicide, and suicide. It’s only rumour, but …
It’s Only Rumour
Where’d you say they found him
I heard it was the farm
An old abandoned building
Was where he came to harm,
You know the one I mean
The old what ya call it place
The remains were going moldy
Way back in a corner space,
It was terribly hot and humid
You could barely get your breath
I’ve heard “smotheration”
Was the likely cause of death,
She’s the one who found him
Police cars everywhere
They’ve even got a sniffer dog
You can’t get close to there,
The coroner’s been on the scene
I recognized his van
They haven’t took the body yet
There’s an information ban,
I’ve heard – it’s only rumour
You always hear the worst
That before he met his Maker
He was kinda “hung up” first,
Sorta – “ring around the collar”
With a slightly half-assed touch
The evidence all points one way
Least, the confab says as much,
Still, “they” might not be right
There might’ve just been one
Anyways, don’t matter now
I mean, the deed’s been done,
He always marched to suit himself
That’s the way he beat his drum
They’ll be talkin’ all ’bout this one
For a good long time to come,
When you think about it
It’s really awfully grim
They may never catch who did it
Too bad that it was him,
He always liked to brag a bit
Bout how he’d “dipsy-doo”
I hear they’ve got some suspects
Really – quite a few,
I guess it caught up with him
We all know he liked to roam
Guess he weren’t contented
With … what he had at home!
D.C. Butterfield
Guess he had his classic roamin’ Roman nose in the wrong place at the wrong time. Still … don’t a man have a right to be wrong now and then? I heard that tale FAOFOAF – from an old friend of a friend. Or simply FOAF – friend of a friend – third hand! Casse mon coeur! Then, why do we often hear, “They found a dead body!” Body – a corpse. Body – the physical organism, living or dead! So, if’n it was only, “They found a body!”, we would generally assume it to be a “dead body” wouldn’t we? Fifty-fifty vs 1/2 ‘n 1/2!
Then, from ‘The Raven’ by Edgar Allan Poe, “Is there – is there balm in Gilead?” He also mentions “nepenthe” – an ancient drink bringing forgetfulness of sorrow and/or trouble. Life on the shoulders – can always use a glass of it. Taberduker! Speaking of the raven – crows caw and roosters crow. Think about it! Rumour, like gossip, can ‘Phoenix’ on ya! Rumours are often as Madam said about her Motel, “They come and they go!” No pun intended! Quibbles and skits! As an aside – ever notice how Q and U are almost always together? Shades of an octopus synopsis being a synopsis of ‘Oscar The Octopus’. The proverbial – look life over carefully – as if you’re trying to decide where to start peeling the orange so’s you can peel it all in one peel!
Meanwhile up at Coffee-Coffee I was talking to the boys from ‘Upyourway’ in the corner clutch how not admitting to rumour is lots like “anonymous”! Be truthful – no kinticki-dust! Think first – know your geocolumnistratigin stuff! Or, as one Ambrose Bierce so sagely put it [of boys and vandalism] in his ‘The Middle Toe Of The Right Foot’, “… the smaller male population of the region having attested in the manner of its kind its disapproval of dwellings without dwellers …”! Or too, simply, “Boys will be boys!” (And girls will be girls – thankfully!) So, along the lines of, “Hay, barn-tender!”, as the farm lad said when his Daddy asked if’n he’d cleaned out the stables, “Been there, dunged that!”
Have pen – Will Write
