The Joys of Multiple Dog Ownership and Some Things to Know!
1. Watch Your Step!
Multiple dogs have a tendency to leave “presents” in the places you are most likely to put your feet. These ‘presents’ generally come in the form of under/over digested dog food, that has recently exited a dogs front or back. Believe me when I tell you that there is no coffee in the world that will wake you up like stepping in a warm ‘present’ in the middle of the night. Additionally, you need to watch for “ankle breakers”, these are not to be confused with presents. Ankle Breakers can cause two legged creatures to become four legged creatures almost effortlessly. Dogs instinctually know how to dig a camouflaged hole that is the exact dimensions needed to….break your ankle….they can also dig these at roughly the speed of light, so…watch your step.
2. Funnel Effect Training
Funnel Effect is the behavior multiple dogs display when you are trying to enter or exit a room. As soon as multiple dogs see you trying to enter/exit a room, they must immediately also try to exit/enter that room. If you own 3 dogs, this translates into 18 feet, 250-300lbs, all moving independently and trying to inhabit the same 3 foot wide space, at the exact same time. The more dogs you own, the worse the Funnel Effect becomes, the only thing that stays the same is the width of your doorway. The most painful result of the Funnel Effect is that the tops of your feet get trampled by at least 16 other feet…with claws. A less painful result is the loss of whatever you might have been carrying into/out of that room. Due to the lack of manufacture of steel topped slippers, the easiest solution to the Funnel Effect problem is training. It is hard to do, but with enough positive reinforcement (of saving the tender tops of your feet), you can train yourself to NOT enter or exit a room first….With patience, you will learn that its easier just to wait and go last…..
3. Accept Dog Hair Tumbleweeds
If you have 3 or more dogs, you cannot avoid the epidemic of Dog Hair Tumbleweeds. Dog Hair Tumbleweeds form while you are sleeping. They can and will infest the most unlikely places in your home overnight. These are not to be confused with dust bunnies. Dust bunnies like to live in dark, hidden places….under couches or beds, behind furniture, etc and are generally unseen until cleaning day. Dust bunnies are content to live quietly in some overlooked corner where only you will find them. Conversely, dog hair tumbleweeds can be found anywhere, at anytime. They can be along baseboards, attached to the bottoms of curtains, rolling freely along your floor, maybe even floating in the air, stuck to your socks, firmly glued to the legs of every chair, in your cupboards, stuck in every heating/cooling vent in your home…..unlike dust bunnies, dog hair tumbleweeds are not easily taken care of. They can only be tamed for a few hours at most. Acceptance that they will never be conquered or knitting dog hair sweaters are the only viable solutions for this.
4. Flavour Mixing
Much like Dog Hair Tumbleweeds (or as a direct result of the tumbleweeds), all food and drink will likely have a dog hair(s) in it. The simplest solution is to advise your guests, in advance of them coming over to dinner, of how you read somewhere that dog hair adds a surprisingly light flavour dimension to most dishes…… and try not to overly inspect what you put in your mouth.
5. Nothing is Sacred
Multiple dogs have a way of letting you know they value themselves above all your other possessions. All that is in their realm is fair game….You may wake up on the record breaking cold morning to find that they played tug of war with your only winter coat. They may actually eat homework, a bookbag, and a lunch box while you sleep. They might destroy your couch, shoes, underwear and cell phone while you were trying to take a shower without dog help. They may help themselves to the pizza you left on the cupboard when you answered the phone. They might lay on your pillow and chew the book that you have not finished. They will leave that new dog smell on everything you own, no matter how hard you try…..And since there is more than one of them, you can never be sure which one it was…….
6. Welcome Wagon
If you’ve ever wanted to feel like the most important, wonderful, special, exciting, loved human being on this planet, leave, wait 5 minutes and come back. Repeat as necessary. The reception you receive, every time you come back, is worth sitting on the floor, commando, with no shoes, eating cereal with dog hair in it, while you try to explain the validity of the “dog ate my homework” excuse to your child’s teacher on a land line. Multiple dogs love you multiple times more than you ever thought possible, and in turn, make every ankle breaking moment worth experiencing.
Angie Hovey
