“You are welcome!”
The old man in the hat
As one grows up, hopefully, one of the first things you are taught is to say please, thank-you and you are welcome, in social situations in which you have requested that something be done in your favour or for your benefit. In short, they are modest words and phrases that govern polite discourse. Insomuch as please has an implied entreaty or plea element attached, I find the query, “could you?”, an acceptable alternative, though not necessarily a replacement. Could you get me the remote? If you really want the remote, “could you get the remote, please” is almost a double entreaty. If you are really sucking up, “could you get the remote, please, dear” almost always works. If it does not, you have more problems that a missing remote!
“Could you” implies that the actions of a second party be interrupted on your behalf. You are or should be fully cognizant of the fact that your request will cause another to stop what they are doing, which is surely as important as what you are presently doing and act on your behalf and in your favour in completing an action that does not benefit themselves, but you. This is unselfishness at it’s best and such an act of kindness deserves a reward. Most commonly the reward is in the form of the response, “thank-you” or perhaps more informally, “thanks”.
The “thank-you” is important in that it acknowledges the favour done. It is even more important in spontaneous acts of others on your behalf in situations where unexpected acts of kindness are bestowed. In our busy world we sometimes forget to offer” thanks”. This oversight does not go unnoticed and repeated transgressions generally result in a diminished willing of others to act on your behalf.
Now I come to the crux of modern day civility. When I say “thank-you” I have the expectation of the civil response of “you’re welcome”. More often than not, instead I hear “no problem”. What do you mean,” no problem”?
My internet dictionary sources define a “problem” in a number of ways:
- A matter or situation regarded as unwelcome or harmful and needing to be dealt with and overcome.
- A thing difficult to achieve or accomplish.
- Any question or matter involving doubt, uncertainty
- So my entreaty, “could you”, was unwelcome?, harmful?, difficult?, doubtful”, uncertain?.
Pleeease! Give me a break. Thank-you.
