The Irony of LONELINESS in Our Super-Connected World
More and more research in recent years is pointing to a much broader and pervasive membership of the Lonely Hearts Club. It appears to be taking people who study these things by surprise…since technology was seen as THE answer to fill in the gaps for greater connection. At a time when the internet and the social media buffet has allowed us to expand our social networks to seemingly unlimited possibilities, there is a growing concern that feelings of disconnect and alienation are on the rise. Is this what this problematic Loneliness is all about?
In July 2012, the first International Research Conference on Loneliness was held in Oxford UK. Like so many things that we already know intuitively, knowledge must be backed up with research in order for it to be credible. In the UK, the “Campaign to End Loneliness” was launched to address the issue of chronic isolation and loneliness amongst the elderly. Nobody would argue that the elderly are extremely vulnerable.
There is growing evidence and concern that chronic feelings of alienation and disconnect is expanding way beyond the typical vulnerable groups of people in the general population. It’s a concern for health, (physical and mental), education, labor and some even say it could affect national security.
A couple of weeks ago, I responded to an invitation on facebook to participate in a Co-Ed Softball event in Perth. Organized by Justin Tompkins, the call was for anyone to come out and play – just for the fun of it. Having enjoyed softball in my younger days and always on the lookout for things I can do with my son, I decided to go. Most of the 12 people who showed up didn’t really know one another, so I wasn’t a stranger more than anyone else. We were all just happy that enough people had showed that we could actually form two teams. Turns out 18 would be more ideal number….we just had to run further to catch the balls.
Then when my son came up to bat and he was one of the first ones to bat, my heart sank so fast that I just wanted to grab him and run off the field. He’s 25 years old and it was obvious that he lacked experience in this game.
My initial reaction was to beat myself up for things that I will not go into….it’s just too pathetic to describe. After a couple of wild swings, the pitcher, Joe Bailey, connected with my son. The tears welling up in my eyes behind sunglasses stopped welling as I looked at Joe approach the home plate and give my son very specific instructions on where to stand, where to place his hands on the bat and hold the bat for the most ‘oomph’.
Then he walked back to the pitcher’s mound, pitched a few more balls, walked back to the home plate, repeated the instructions and this continued until my son was allowed about 15 strikes. The lovely people on the field stood there, patiently – and with what I felt was love in their hearts and allowed pitcher and batter to do their thing. The respectful thing. Before the end of the 2 hours that we played, my son was hitting the ball just as well, if not better, than many of us. We both left there feeling great and look forward to going again.
Something about that evening that brought on some serious reflection about what I am struggling to achieve with the monthly Vigil Aunties campfires that I have been hosting since September 2012. It doesn’t appear to be working. My goal was to provide a space where people could get together for the sakes of getting together to engage in conversation, in the spirit of increasing connectedness in the community. I still very much believe in the concept, and I am able to admit that I may not be providing the most effective way to achieve it.
I am thinking about rebranding the whole Vigil Aunties venture and rebooting the idea in the fall. For now, for the summer at least, I am just going to play ball.
Interested in playing? Check out Co-Ed Softball event on facebook. The plan is to play on Sundays at 8:00pm at David Moore Ball Field. Bring a bat, ball or especially ball glove if you have one.
