“Jump Ball”
The old man in the hat
I am not a sports fanatic, but I do enjoy basketball. Being a tall and spindly youngster, it seemed that a sport that penalized physical contact was, on balance, a sport that offered a reasonably “safe” sporting experience. My, how times have changed!
With modern professional basketball players mimicking the line backers of football teams, without the protective gear, the crush of bodies on the court more often resembles rugby than that of the basketball of my youth.
Along with the increase in size, speed and weight of the players has come the need for some protective devices. Witness the proliferation of face, eye and mouth protection.
Speaking of mouth protection brings me to my pet peeve of modern sports. Mouth guards. You would think that these highly paid sports professionals, expensively dressed and coiffed off-court would carry their public persona to the court. Where do we see these mouth guards? Mostly not in the mouth, or half in and half out, being chewed like the wads of tobacco in baseball or sometimes waved about to make a point or perhaps as an entreaty to the gods of referees. As a parent with three children, I have a passing familiarity with the orthodontist. I do appreciate the protection of a considerable investment in a great smile.
Contact sports have dramatically changed with the realization of the dangers of blood borne diseases. A drop of blood on the player immediately results in the halt of the game at which time one or more members of the team’s medical staff deal with the injury. This concern with exposure to blood apparently does not extend to other body fluids. I hold up the dripping mouth guard as an example.
There are over 500 species of bacteria in the mouth. As a teenager, this did not seem to be a barrier in exploring the wonders of the opposite sex. As an adult, with the accumulated years of wisdom, watching players manhandle their mouth guards and then dribble the basketball elicits a plain YUK! At the very least the NBA needs to consider fitting Purelle towelettes on the waistbands of each player for convenient access to basic sanitation.
And let us not forget the greatest invention of 21st century chemical science. The coloured mouth guard. Not content with transparent plastic, we now have all shades to match team colours or branded sneakers, and no doubt, guards with sponsor’s logos. My favourite, though, is black. More precisely zombie black. Why zombie? Picture a sweating giant, chest heaving, mouth agape. Instead of protruding teeth, all that is visible is a black, soul sucking, Zombie chasm. YUK!
Time to go watch curling.
