From Village Auntie To Vigil Auntie
For the past 20 years I have been hyper-actively involved in the world of Disabilities. It has been my focus, my passion. I have done this only because fate brought me to this world (of disabilities) by having a child with autism. Although what may seem like two decades of volunteering my life away, I have reaped many benefits from my involvement. My experiences have included sitting on several boards, committees, focus groups, workshops, conferences, etc.. all which facilitated my learning about how to advocate for my child as well as for the sons and daughters of all families in similar circumstances. I look at this disabilities world as being the Village I have been so blessed to occupy for many years. Having been involved with so many families, I became part of their families. To many sons and daughters in these families, I became sort of an Auntie figure. And like all good Aunties, they could count on me to NOT mind my own business, to interfere and intervene when needed. The bonds with these families have become so close that I know we would do anything for one another when it comes to defending the rights and improving the lives of our sons and daughters.
My journey as a Village (Disabilities) Auntie has been colorful, wonderful and dreadful at the same time. The dread that I continue to feel is that the world will not change quickly enough to ensure that my son and others like him, will truly be accepted and loved for who they are. Legislated rights and access to services does not necessarily translate into finding true friendship, love and a sense of belonging.
A lawyer once told me that no matter how much I try to plan for my son’s life when I am no longer here, I cannot call the shots from the grave. Feeling panicked by my own mortality has, in large part, fuelled my drive to keep going as an agent for change in just about everything that I do.
Going with the car analogy, on March 23rd, 2012 the Perth-Andover CAR had a major breakdown. Not only was the gas tank flooded, the tires were slashed and the engine fell out of the body.
After six months of being amongst the wreckage, I reached into my collection of experiences as a Village Auntie and decided to try out the most fundamental ingredient of connecting people: CREATING SPACE WHERE PEOPLE CAN MEET ON COMMON GROUND. It’s not rocket science.
I think most people would agree that conversations around a campfire are usually pleasant and relaxing. So why not make fire a consistent element in the space being created to encourage connectedness, friendship and bond-building. Thus the word, VIGIL. As for the AUNTIES part of the name Vigil Aunties…..well, it’s the same old thing. In my mind, Auntie is the iconic symbol for the family member who doesn’t mind her own business, who intervenes in the lives of those she cares about. Regardless of gender, anyone can be an Auntie in this sense.
These fireside gatherings have been held once/month since Sept 2012. I admit that I was really putting myself out of my comfort zone to initiate this. The play on words – using Vigil Auntie as our identity – probably worked against me. The irony is that this group is on the opposite end of the spectrum of what vigilantes represent.
Over the past few months, I have heard that people perceive the Vigil Aunties as being a political group, a protest group, a religious group leaning towards paganism and other interesting references to Wackoism. Well, that’s all very exciting but that’s not us.
We are simply a group providing a space in the community where people can join together in face-to-face conversation for the sake of being and feeling connected – regardless of status and life circumstances. We usually put out a theme for each gathering that serves as a reflection piece on how we, ourselves, can grow and make our communities better. The facilitated discussion part of the event is usually less than an hour. The rest of the time is mingling. Being around a campfire – open to the elements – creates a positive ambience for meeting new people or catching up with acquaintances and friends. If the group must be labeled anything – then call it civic engagement. Our purpose is to help make our communities better.
I hope that more people will step out of their comfort zone and join us on Friday, Feb 22. The theme for this gathering is Friendship and we look forward to hearing stories and thoughts about what Friendship means to you in 2013.
I hope this article has helped you to understand what Vigil Aunties is all about. I encourage you to get in touch with me if you would like to discuss this further!
Francine St. Amand
Auntie Francine
